The Flipside of Adventure Guilt
Recently my friend and fellow Backpacker Local Scout Anastasia Allison posted the video above about how she dealt with some issues in her life and how she used the wilderness as a coping mechanism and what she labels Adventure Guilt™.
She also recounts how she posted a photo entitled "This is where I am today, while you are at work" and how she has grown as a person through her wilderness experiences. You guys, I got a little choked up while watching her video.
But not why you might think.
I got choked up because what she was describing was at many times me...
Except that I often felt Adventure Shame™.
Early on I fell victim to the crisis of comparison that she speaks about. I felt like what I was doing (and sometimes still are doing) wasn't good enough. That the mountains that I was climbing weren't good enough. Because of the popularity of mountaineering and hiking, that what I was doing wasn't very awesome. Because I wasn't doing technical climbing that I wasn't really climbing mountains. Because I had dad bod and didn't have an eight pack's worth of abs I wasn't fit. Because I wasn't entering trail races, I wasn't a trail runner.
Because I ate meat, enjoyed burgers, steak and plenty of it when many of my friends ate healthy meals every day. Editor's note: I now like quinoa
Even things like my teeth, as we couldn't afford braces growing up. People asked why I didn't smile in my wilderness pictures and selfies. That was why.
However, much like Anastasia, I too was hiking to escape demons. One of my favorite quotes about hiking and specifically solo adventures (which most of my adventure is solo) is that you better learn to like who you are. One day I estimated that I was about 15 miles from the nearest human being. And I had an epiphany. Despite my dad bod, despite my uncorrected teeth, despite the fact that I wasn't hanging from a 14er by a rope and an ice axe, that I was incredibly lucky to be where I was. And, that there were people by the droves that not only couldn't do what I was doing, but that they wanted to.
Over time, I grew less and less worried about those things. I began to use the wilderness as a place of joy, instead of a counselor's office. I began to worry less about miles, AEG, and other things and more about how my pictures looked. Because miles, AEG, and pace only pertained to me. Through my pictures and through this blog, I hope to inspire others to do the same types of things that I was doing.
Anastasia speaks at the end about the joys of just getting outside. Obviously, I completely agree. Car camping, bird watching (which I enjoy, sue me) are just as helpful to you as free soloing El Capitan.
Because whatever it is that you DO, no matter what it might be, belongs solely to you. It doesn't belong to anyone else. No one can steal your joy, unless you let them. Don't do that.
Editors Note: Please do NOT interpret this post as any sort of criticism of Anastasia. She is an amazing person, willing to be vulnerable (much like myself) and most importantly she is real. She's one of my favorite adventurers and I STRONGLY urge you to read her blog and follow her work.
